Chapter: 1/1 Oneshot
Rating: T 13+
Word Count: 1115
Spoilers/Warnings: Set after the episode 5.17 ‘The Social Contract’
Summary/Info: House and Wilson are in for a surprise while visiting Atlantic City
Legal disclaimer: I don’t own the rights of the characters used in this story and don’t earn any money with writing this fanfiction!
House, Wilson, Thirteen, Cuddy and Lucas belong to the creators of ‘House M.D.’ on Fox/NBCU, Heel & Toe Films, Shore Z Productions, Bad Hat Harry Productions
Job belongs to the creators of ‘Banshee’ on Cinemax
Captain Thomas Gregson belongs to the creators of ‘Elementary’ on CBS
A/N: Whoever gets the reference to a (sadly short lived) TV series from 1985 gets a virtual cookie!
It was early Friday afternoon when Wilson entered House’s office.
“A patient of mine told me about a new nightclub in Atlantic City. Wanna check it out this weekend?"
"Sorry, patient dying. Got to try and keep them alive or their loved ones might get slightly unpleasant," quipped House.
"I just ran into Thirteen. She told me that you found the diagnosis for your current patient earlier and that he’s already responding well to the treatment. Since my spies say you haven't got a new patient yet I thought it would be a convenient time for a little road trip,” Wilson replied cheerfully.
“Ah, screw the evil DOMinatrix. When are we leaving?”
The next day at noon, after a very late breakfast, they started out in the direction of Atlantic City. About two hours and three pranks later they checked into their hotel room.
“Wilson, who did you have to bribe to get a room with such a stunning view of the beach? Too bad my leg is cramping my style or else I'd go for a swim."
"Try the hot tub... Sorry I couldn't find you a stylish hooker to go with it."
"Hooker can wait, let's worry about the big leg first, that one is already screwed."
"I am not a professional massage therapist and a happy ending is probably not going to happen, but if you agree with my two inferior hands..."
House was too tempted to offer any fight so Wilson massaged the remaining kinks out of his offending limb. House fell asleep during the massage. Two hours later they woke up and got ready to head out to have dinner in a fancy restaurant on the boardwalk.
House behaved suspiciously tame during the dinner but Wilson dismissed any worries he had because the food was almost as good as House's creations.
Then next goal was to visit the nightclub, which was situated in a nearby back alley. Wilson knocked on the door and a short time later someone opened a small window in the door and asked for the codename.
"007mpf..." House started to say but Wilson shut him up by placing a hand over House’s mouth.
“Foxfire!” answered Wilson correctly and they were let into the club. After going through a corridor House and Wilson entered a huge rectangular room. In the middle of the room opposite the entrance were a stage and a smaller stage with a stripper pole in front. In front of the two stages there were several rows of small round tables and chairs. On the left side of the entrance there was a bar and on the right side a few tables to play poker, pool and other games.
House and Wilson decided to settle down at the poker table in chairs that gave them a vantage point from which they could sneak a peek to the stage every now and then. There the first surprise of the evening was waiting for them. One of the other guests at the table was none other then Lucas Douglas.
“Hi! What are you doing here?” asked House irritated.
“Probably the same as you! Having some fun!” said Lucas. He then reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulled out a business card, wrote something onto the back of it and handed it to House with the words “I assume you don’t already have my new email address?”
House took the card and read that Lucas has written “undercover investigation” on it.
About an hour later, House has won his first poker game of the night. The guy who presented the acts on stage came out and began to speak. “Now I proudly announce our main act: ‘Leesa the Cutty’ and ‘Job from Banshee’!”
House’s, Wilsons’ and Lucas’ jaws dropped in surprise as Cuddy walked onto the stage and went over to the pole. She was dressed in a red checked school girl’s uniform dress and a short white blouse. Because of the blinding spot lights she couldn’t see who was sitting in the back of the room. Then she began her pole dance while the transvestite Job was singing a rendition of Jimmy Somerville’s ‘You make me feel mighty real.’
All hell broke loose in the club after the performance had ended. Policemen stormed onto the stage and said “Lisa Cuddy and Job, you are being arrested for running this club illegally, fraud and falsification of documents!”
House and Wilson looked from Cuddy to Lucas and asked “What’s going on?”
“I swear I didn’t know that this ‘Leesa the Cutty’ was your boss Cuddy! My only task was to help find the owner of this club, who I thought was ‘Job from Banshee’! I didn’t know that he had a business partner, let alone that it was Lisa Cuddy.”
House and Wilson stood up and walked to the stage. Cuddy gasped as she saw them and wanted to crawl into a hole. House asked the man who seemed to be in charge of the operation, a man called Captain Thomas Gregson, “Why are you arresting Dr. Cuddy?”
“Dr. Cuddy? She is not a real doctor. Our investigation found that she dropped out of medical school because she repeatedly failed some tests after she was partying too much, and that she stalked some of the students at the University of Michigan and she was also sleeping with a few of her professors. Then she somehow teamed up with Job who organized the falsified diploma saying she’d graduated which also aged her up two years. A few years ago this nightclub started popping up in various locations in the New Jersey area. But the owners were always a step ahead of us and relocated just in time before we could arrest them. Now we were finally successful thanks to the help of Mr. Douglas,” answered Captain Gregson.
House needed a few seconds to regain his ability to speak.
“This explains why she almost always came to the wrong diagnosis while treating patients! But, Cuddy! Why did you do this?”
“I did it because of my mother. She will never ever look at me, let alone speak with me, if she ever knew that I failed medical school,” Cuddy answered as Captain Gregson conducted her and Job under escort to the waiting police car.
“And why did you run this night club?” asked Wilson.
“Because it is a fun way to earn some extra money. Already during my pre-med time I was working as an escort to co-finance my studies.”
“It looks like we are getting a new boss!” Wilson and House said in unison as they stared after the police car that was carrying Cuddy and Job away.